Saradakosh

Third Pilgrimage to North India (Dec 1889 - May 1890)

Total Records Found: 57

Dear Sir {Balaram Bose},_x000d_ I have been staying for the last few days at Baidyanath in Purna Babu's Lodge. It is not so cold, and my health too is indifferent. I am suffering from indigestion, probably due to excess of iron in the water. I have found nothing agreeable here neither the place, nor the season, nor the company. I leave for Varanasi tomorrow. Achyutananda stopped at Govinda Chaudhury's place at Deoghar, and the latter, as soon as he got news of us, earnestly insisted on our becoming his guests. Finally, he met us once again and prevailed on us to accede to his request. The man is a great worker, but has a number of women with him old women most of them, of the ordinary Vaishnava type. His clerks too revere us much; some of them are very much ill-disposed towards him, and they spoke of his misdeeds. Incidentally, I raised the topic of __. You have many wrong ideas or doubts about her; hence I write all this after particular investigation. Even the aged clerks of this establishment highly respect and revere her. She came to stop with __ while she was a mere child, and ever lived as his wife. . . . Everyone admits in one voice that her character is spotless. She was all along a perfectly chaste woman and never behaved with __ in any relation but that of wife to husband, and she was absolutely faithful. She came at too early an age to have incurred any moral taint. After she had separated from __, she wrote to him to say that she had never treated him as anything but her husband, but that it was impossible for her to live with a man with a loose character. His old office-bearers too believe him to be satanic in character; but they consider __ a Devi (angel), and remark that it was following her departure that __ lost all sense of shame._x000d_ My object in writing all this is that formerly I was not a believer in the tale of the lady's early life. The idea that there might be such purity in the midst of a relation which society does not recognise, I used to consider as romance. But after thorough investigation I have come to know that it is all right. She is very pure, pure from her infancy--I have not the least doubt about it. For entertaining those doubts, you and I and everyone are guilty to her; I make repeated salutations to her, and ask her pardon for my guilt. She is not a liar._x000d_ I take this opportunity to record that such courage is impossible in a lying and unchaste woman. I have also been told that she had a lifelong ardent faith in religion also._x000d_ Well, your disease is not yet improving! I don't think this is a place for patients unless one is ready to spend a good deal of money. Please think out some judicious course. Here every article will have to be procured from elsewhere._x000d_ Yours sincerely,_x000d_ Vivekananda

Who was this Pavhari Baba? _x000d_ He was born of Brahmana parents at Premapur, a village near Jaunpur, and about thirty miles from Varanasi. In his boyhood he went to Ghazipur where, under the training of his uncle, a lifelong Brahmachari, he became versed in Vyakarana (grammar) and Nyaya (logic), and in the theology of the Ramanuja sect. On his uncle's death he resolved "to fill the gap with a vision that can never change". Determined to find Reality, he wandered throughout the land. At length he was initiated into the mysteries of Yoga on Mount Girnar in Kathiawar, holy both to Hindu and Jain devotees. From Girnar he journeyed to Varanasi, where he met a great sannyasi, who lived in a cave in the high bank of the Ganga. Here he mastered the Advaita Vedanta system, after which he travelled for many years, studying and leading a life of great austerity. Finally he came back to his old home, Ghazipur, where, emulating his teacher in Varanasi, he dug a hermitage in the ground, on the riverside. For many hours a day he remained in meditation; and the nights he spent on the other side of the river in ascetic and religious practices. His daily diet consisted of a handful of bitter Neem (margosa) leaves or of a few pods of red pepper. He held all work to be "worshipping the Lord"; and he would often give the food he had cooked, after offering it to his Chosen Deity, to the poor or to wandering monks, himself refusing to eat. So spare was his diet that he was called Pavhari Baba, "Air-eating Father". As days went on, he spent more and more time in his cave, often months on end, until people wondered how he lived, or whether he was dead. After a time, however, the Baba would emerge. When not absorbed in meditation he would receive visitors in a room above the entrance to his cave. Later he would see no one. Finally, one morning, smelling burning flesh and seeing smoke rising from his retreat, people found that he had made an offering of his body to the Lord, his spirit having soared into the blessedness of Samadhi. But this last happened much later._x000d_ When the Swami went there, Pavhari Baba was well known, and people used to go to Ghazi¬pur to meet him. No wonder, then, that the Swami was also anxious to do so. He later admitted that he owed a deep debt of gratitude to the saint, and spoke of him as one of the greatest masters he had ever loved and served.

Ghazipur_x000d_ 30th January, 1890_x000d_ {original in Bengali}_x000d_ Revered Sir {Balaram Bose},_x000d_ I am now stopping with Satish Babu at Ghazipur. Of the few places I have recently visited, this is the healthiest. The water of Baidyanath is very bad--it leads to indigestion. Allahabad is very congested. The few days I passed at Varanasi, I suffered from fever day and night--the place is so malarious! Ghazipur has a very salubrious climate--specially the quarter I am living in. I have visited Pavhari Baba's house--there are high walls all round, and it is fashioned like an English bungalow. There is a garden inside and big rooms and chimneys, etc. He allows nobody to enter. If he is so inclined, he comes up to the door and speaks from inside--that is all. One day I went and waited and waited in the cold and had to return. I shall go to Varanasi on Sunday next. If the meeting with the Babaji takes place in the meantime, all right, otherwise I bid him good-bye. About Pramada Babu's place I shall write definitely from Varanasi. If Kali Bhattacharya is determined to come, let him do so after I leave for Varanasi on Sunday, but he should rather not. After a few days' stay at Varanasi, I shall start for Hrishikesh. Pramada Babu may accompany me. Please accept all of you my cordial greetings--and blessing to Fakir, Ram, Krishnamayi, etc._x000d_ Yours affectionately,_x000d_ Vivekananda _x000d_ PS. In my opinion, it will do you much good if you come and stay for some time at Ghazipur. Here Satish will be able to secure a bungalow for you, and there is a gentleman, Gagan Chandra Ray by name, who is the head of the Opium Office and is exceedingly courteous, philanthropic, and social--they will arrange for everything. The house-rent is fifteen to twenty rupees; rice is dear, and milk sells at sixteen to twenty seers a rupee; all other things are very cheap. Besides, under the care of these gentlemen, there is no chance of any difficulty. But it is slightly expensive--it will cost over forty to fifty rupees. Varanasi is horribly malarious. I have never lived in Pramada Babu's garden. He likes to have me always in his company. The garden is indeed very beautiful, richly laid out, spacious, and open. This time when I go, I shall live there and report to you.

Salutation to Bhagavan Ramakrishna!_x000d_ Ghazipur_x000d_ February, 1890_x000d_ {original in Bengali}_x000d_ Beloved Akhandananda,_x000d_ Very glad to receive your letter. What you have written about Tibet is very promising, and I shall try to go there once. In Sanskrit Tibet is called the Uttarakuruvarsha, and is not a land of Mlechchhas. Being the highest tableland in the world, it is extremely cold, but by degrees one may become accustomed to it. About the manners and customs of the Tibetans you have written nothing. If they are so hospitable, why did they not allow you to go on? Please write everything in detail, in a long letter. I am sorry to learn that you will not be able to come, for I had a great longing to see you. It seems that I love you more than all others. However, I shall try to get rid of this Maya too._x000d_ The Tantrika rites among the Tibetans that you have spoken of arose in India itself, during the decline of Buddhism. It is my belief that the Tantras, in vogue amongst us, were the creation of the Buddhists themselves. Those Tantrika rites are even more dreadful than our doctrine of Vamachara; for in them adultery got a free rein, and it was only when the Buddhists became demoralised through immorality that they were driven away by Kumarila Bhatta. As some Sannyasins speak of Shankara, or the Bauls of Shri Chaitanya, that he was in secret an epicure, a drunkard, and one addicted to all sorts of abominable practices--so the modern Tantrika Buddhists speak of the Lord Buddha as a dire Vamachari and give an obscene interpretation to the many beautiful precepts of the Prajnaparamita, such as the Tattvagatha and the like. The result of all this has been that the Buddhists are divided into two sects nowadays; the Burmese and the Sinhalese have generally set the Tantras at naught, have likewise banished the Hindu gods and goddesses, and at the same time have thrown overboard the Amitabha Buddha held in regard among the Northern School of Buddhists. The long and the short of it is that the Amitabha Buddha and the other gods whom the Northern School worship are not mentioned in books like the Prajnaparamita, but a lot of gods and goddesses are recommended for worship. And the Southern people have willfully transgressed the Shastras and eschewed the gods and goddesses. The phase of Buddhism which declares "Everything for others", and which you find spread throughout Tibet, has greatly struck modern Europe. Concerning that phase, however, I have a good deal to say--which it is impossible to do in this letter. What Buddha did was to break wide open the gates of that very religion which was confined in the Upanishads to a particular caste. What special greatness does his theory of Nirvana confer on him? His greatness lies in his unrivalled sympathy. The high orders of Samadhi etc., that lend gravity to his religion are, almost all there in the Vedas; what are absent there are his intellect and heart, which have never since been paralleled throughout the history of the world._x000d_ The Vedic doctrine of Karma is the same as in Judaism and all other religions, that is to say, the purification of the mind through sacrifices and such other external means--and Buddha was the first man who stood against it. But the inner essence of the ideas remained as of old--look at that doctrine of mental exercises which he preached, and that mandate of his to believe in the Suttas instead of the Vedas. Caste also remained as of old (caste was not wholly obsolete at the time of Buddha), but it was now determined by personal qualifications; and those that were not believers in his religion were declared as heretics, all in the old style. "Heretic" was a very ancient word with the Buddhists, but then they never had recourse to the sword (good souls!) and had great toleration. Argument blew up the Vedas. But what is the proof of your religion? Well, put faith in it! --the same procedure as in all religions. It was however an imperative necessity of the times; and that was the reason of his having incarnated himself. His doctrine is like that of Kapila. But that of Shankara, how far more grand and rational! Buddha and Kapila are always saying the world is full of grief and nothing but that--flee from it--ay, for your life, do! Is happiness altogether absent here? It is a statement of the nature of what the Brahmos say--the world is full of happiness! There is grief, forsooth, but what can be done? Perchance some will suggest that grief itself will appear as happiness when you become used to it by constant suffering. Shankara does not take this line of argument. He says: This world is and is not --manifold yet one; I shall unravel its mystery--I shall know whether grief be there, or anything else; I do not flee from it as from a bugbear. I will know all about it--as to the infinite pain that attends its search, well, I am embracing it in its fullest measure. Am I a beast that you frighten me with happiness and misery, decay and death, which are but the outcome of the senses? I will know about it--will give up my life for it. There is nothing to know about in this world--therefore, if there be anything beyond this relative existence--what the Lord Buddha has designated as Prajnapara --the transcendental--if such there be, I want that alone. Whether happiness attends it or grief, I do not care. What a lofty idea! How grand! The religion of Buddha has reared itself on the Upanishads, and upon that also the philosophy of Shankara. Only, Shankara had not the slightest bit of Buddha's wonderful heart, dry intellect merely! For fear of the Tantras, for fear of the mob, in his attempt to cure a boil, he amputated the very arm itself! One has to write a big volume if one has to write about them at all--but I have neither the learning nor the leisure for it._x000d_ The Lord Buddha is my Ishta--my God. He preached no theory about Godhead--he was himself God, I fully believe it. But no one has the power to put a limit to God's infinite glory. No, not even God Himself has the power to make Himself limited. The translation of the Gandara-Sutta that you have made from the Suttanipata, is excellent. In that book there is another Sutta --the Dhaniya-Sutta --which has got a similar idea. There are many passages in the Dhammapada too, with similar ideas. But that is at the last stage when one has got perfectly satisfied with knowledge and realisation, is the same under all circumstances and has gained mastery over his senses--{Sanskrit} (Gita, VI.8.). He who has not the least regard for his body as something to be taken care of--it is he who may roam about at pleasure like the mad elephant caring for naught. Whereas a puny creature like myself should practice devotion, sitting at one spot, till he attains realisation; and then only should he behave like that; but it is a far-off question--very far indeed._x000d_ {Sanskrit} (Vivekachudmani, 538-40)_x000d_ --To a knower of Brahman food comes of itself, without effort--he drinks wherever he gets it. He roams at pleasure everywhere--he is fearless, sleeps sometimes in the forest, sometimes in a crematorium and, treads the Path which the Vedas have taken but whose end they have not seen. His body is like the sky; and he is guided, like a child, by others' wishes; he is sometimes naked, sometimes in gorgeous clothes, and at times has only Jnana as his clothing; he behaves sometimes like a child, sometimes like a madman, and at other times again like a ghoul, indifferent to cleanliness. _x000d_ I pray to the holy feet of our Guru that you may have that state, and you may wander like the rhinoceros._x000d_ Yours etc.,_x000d_ Vivekananda

Ghazipur_x000d_ 7th Feb., 1890 _x000d_ {original in Bengali}_x000d_ Dear Sir {Pramadadas Mitra},_x000d_ I feel very happy to hear from you just now. Apparently in his features, the Babaji is a Vaishnava, the embodiment, so to speak, of Yoga, Bhakti, and humility. His dwelling has walls on all sides with a few doors in them. Inside these walls, there is one long underground burrow wherein he lays himself up in Samadhi. He talks to others only when he comes out of the hole. Nobody knows what he eats, and so they call him Pavhari Baba. Once he did not come out of the hole for five years, and people thought he had given up the body. But now again he is out. But this time he does not show himself to people and talks from behind the door. Such sweetness in speech I have never come across! He does not give a direct reply to questions but says, "What does this servant know?" But then fire comes out as the talking goes on. On my pressing him very much he said, "Favour me highly by staying here some days." But he never speaks in this way; so from this I understood he meant to reassure me; and whenever I am importunate, he asks me to stay on. So I wait in hope. He is a learned man no doubt but nothing in the line betrays itself. He performs scriptural ceremonials, for from the full-moon day to the last day of the month, sacrificial oblations go on. So it is sure, he is not retiring into the hole during this period. How can I ask his permission, for he never gives a direct reply; he goes on multiplying such expressions as "this servant", "my fortune", and so on. If you yourself have a mind, then come sharp on receipt of this note. Or after his passing away, the keenest regret will be left in your mind. In two days you may return after an interview--I mean a talk with him ab intra. My friend Satish Babu will receive you most warmly. So, do come up directly you receive this; I shall meanwhile let Babaji know of you._x000d_ Yours etc.,_x000d_ Vivekananda _x000d_ PS. Even though one can't have his company, no trouble taken for the sake of such a great soul can ever go unrewarded.

During these days the Swami met many persons, including some European officials. Some had been known to him before, others not. Gaganbabu introduced him to Mr. Ross, a Govern¬ment official, who asked him many penetrating questions about the Hindu festivals, particularly about Holi and the Ramlila. He wanted to know whether there was any scriptural sanction for the practices associated with them. He also asked about Hindu social customs. The preacher in the Swami was roused by these questions, and he spoke with power and luminous insight, showing the relationship between Nature-worship and hero-worship and religious growth. He also explained the spiritual ideas at the bottom of each social custom until the astonished European scholar was convinced of the wonder of the Sanatana Dharma, acknowledging in it a vastness of spiri¬tual perspective hitherto undreamed of by him. He asked the Swami to write a paper on the Hindu festival of Holi, which the latter did. Mr. Ross introduced the Swami to Mr. Pennington, the District Judge. This gentleman positively drew the Swami out, making him pour forth what he had come to understand of the revival of Hinduism and the trend of the modern transi¬tion in India. He spoke on the scientific basis of Yoga, on the ascetic disciplines of the Hindu sannyasis, and on many other subjects. The minds of his hearers were led into analytical study of the powers of the human faculties as awakened and manifest in the yogis. He considered these in the light of modern psychology. Mr. Pennington was so impressed by the Swami's exposi¬tion of Hindu religion and social customs that he asked him to go to England to preach the ideas there._x000d_ The Swami was also introduced to Colonel Rivett Carnac, with whom he had lengthy discussions on the Vedantic ideals and their practicality in daily life. The Swami here revealed his genius. His spirit of renunciation, his insight, his power and personality, became radiant. He was, as it were, Vedanta incarnate to the astonished Westerners.

Salutation to Bhagavan Ramakrishna!_x000d_ c/o Satish Mukherji_x000d_ Gorabazar, Ghazipur_x000d_ 14th February, 1890_x000d_ {original in Bengali}_x000d_ Revered Sir {Balaram Bose},_x000d_ I am in receipt of your letter of contrition. I am not leaving this place soon--it is impossible to avoid the Babaji's request. You have expressed remorse at not having reaped any appreciable results by serving the Sadhus. It is true, and yet not true; it is true if you look towards ideal bliss; but if you look behind to the place from which you started, you will find that before you were an animal, now you are a man, and will be a god or God Himself in future. Moreover, that sort of regret and dissatisfaction is very good; it is the prelude to improvement. Without this none can rise. He who puts on a turban and immediately sees the Lord, progresses thus far and no farther. You are blessed indeed to have that constant dissatisfaction preying upon your mind--rest assured that there is no danger for you. . . . You are a keenly intelligent man, and know full well that patience is the best means of success. In this respect I have no doubt that we light-headed boys have much to learn from you. . . . You are a considerate man, and I need not add anything. Man has two ears but one mouth. You specially are given to plain-speaking and are chary of making large promises--things that sometimes make me cross with you, but upon reflection I find that it is you who have acted with discretion. "Slow but sure." "What is lost in power is gained in speed." However, in this world everything depends upon one's words. To get an insight behind the words (specially, with your economical spirit masking all) is not given to all, and one must associate long with a man to be able to understand him. . . . Religion is not in sects, nor in making a fuss--why do you forget these teachings of our revered Master? Please help as far as it lies in you, but to judge what came of it, whether it was turned to good or evil account, is perhaps beyond our jurisdiction. . . . Considering the great shock which Girish Babu has received, it will give him immense peace to serve Mother at this moment. He is a very keen-witted person. And our beloved Master had perfect confidence in you, used to dine nowhere else except at your place, and, I have heard, Mother too has the fullest confidence in you. In view of these, you will please bear and forbear all shortcomings of us fickle boys, treating them as if they were done by your own boy. This is all I have got to say. Please let me know by return of post when the Anniversary is to take place. A pain in the loins is giving me much trouble. In a few days the place will look exceedingly beautiful, with miles and miles of rose-banks all in flower. Satish says he will then send some fresh roses and cuttings for the Festival. . . . May the Lord ordain that your son becomes a man, and never a coward!_x000d_ Yours affectionately,_x000d_ Vivekananda _x000d_ PS. If Mother has come, please convey to her my countless salutations, and ask her to bless me that I may have unflinching perseverance. Or, if that be impossible in this body, may it fall off soon!

Salutation to Bhagavan Ramakrishna! _x000d_ Ghazipur,_x000d_ March, 1890_x000d_ {original in Bengali}_x000d_ Beloved Akhandananda,_x000d_ Very glad to receive your letter yesterday. I am at present staying with the wonderful Yogi and devotee of this place, called Pavhariji. He never comes out of his room and holds conversations with people from behind the door. Inside the room there is a pit in which he lives. It is rumoured that he remains in a state of Samadhi for months together. His fortitude is most wonderful. Our Bengal is the land of Bhakti and of Jnana, where Yoga is scarcely so much as talked of even. What little there is, is but the queer breathing exercises of the Hatha-Yoga--which is nothing but a kind of gymnastics. Therefore I am staying with this wonderful Raja-Yogi--and he has given me some hopes, too. There is a beautiful bungalow in a small garden belonging to a gentleman here; I mean to stay there. The garden is quite close to Babaji's cottage. A brother of the Babaji stays there to look after the comforts of the Sadhus, and I shall have my Bhiksha at his place. Hence, with a view to seeing to the end of this fun, I give up for the present my plan of going to the hills. For the last two months I have had an attack of lumbago in the waist, which also makes it impossible to climb the hills now. Therefore let me wait and see what Babaji will give me._x000d_ My motto is to learn whatever good things I may come across anywhere. This leads many friends to think that it will take away from my devotion to the Guru. These ideas I count as those of lunatics and bigots. For all Gurus are one and are fragments and radiations of God, the Universal Guru._x000d_ If you come to Ghazipur, you have but to inquire at Satish Babu's or Gagan Babu's at Gorabazar, and you know my whereabouts. Or, Pavhari Baba is so well-known a person here that everyone will inform you about his Ashrama at the very mention of his name, and you have only to go there and inquire about the Paramahamsa, and they will tell you of me. Near Moghul Sarai there is a station named Dildarnagar, where you have to change to a short branch railway and get down at Tarighat, opposite Ghazipur; then you have to cross the Ganga to reach Ghazipur._x000d_ For the present, I stay at Ghazipur for some days, and wait and see what the Babaji does. If you come, we shall stay together at the said bungalow for some time, and then start for the hills, or for any other place we may decide upon. Don't, please, write to anyone at Baranagore that I am staying at Ghazipur._x000d_ With blessings and best wishes,_x000d_ Ever yours,_x000d_ Vivekananda

The impact of this vision of Shri Ramakrishna on the Swami's mind was profound. After this he understood the Master better. He clearly saw that Shri Ramakrishna was the fulfillment of spirituality; that one who had sat at his feet and been blessed by him, stood in need of no other spiritual help. On March 3, 1890, he wrote to Pramadababu, referring to Pavhari Baba:_x000d_ But now I see the whole matter is the opposite of what was expected! While I myself have come, a beggar, at his door, he turns round and wants to learn of me! This saint perhaps is not yet perfected-too much of rites, vows, observance, and too much of self-concealment. The ocean in its fullness cannot be contained within its shores, I am sure. So it is not good, I have decided, to disturb this sadhu for nothing, and very soon I shall ask leave of him to go. . . ._x000d_ To no big person am I going any longer-"Remain, O mind, within yourself go not to anybody else's door; whatever you seek, you shall obtain sitting at your ease, only seek for it in the privacy of your heart: There is the supreme Treasure, the philosophers' stone, and He can give whatever you ask for; for countless gems, O mind, lie strewn about the portals of His abode. He is the wishing-stone that confess boons at the mere thought " Thus says the poet Kamalakanta._x000d_ So now the great conclusion is that Ramakrishna has no peer; nowhere else in this world exists that unprecedented perfection, that wonderful kindness for all that does not stop to justify itself, such intense sympathy for man in bondage. Either he must be the Avatara [Incarnation] as he himself used to say, or else the ever perfect divine man, whom the Vedanta speaks of as the free one, who assumes a body for the good of humanity. This is my conviction sure and certain; and the worship of such a divine man has been referred to by Patanjali in the aphorism, "Or the goal may be attained by meditating on the pure heart of a saint"._x000d_ Never during his life did he refuse a single prayer of mine. Millions of offences has he forgiven me. Such great love even my parents never had for me. There is no poetry, no exaggeration in all this. It is the bare truth and every disciple of his knows it. In times of great danger, great temptation, I have wept in extreme agony with the prayer, "O God, save me", and no response has come; but this wonderful saint, or Avatara or whatever you may wish to call him, knew, through his power of insight into the human heart, of all my afflictions and removed them, in spite of myself, by bringing me to him.

Victory to the Lord!_x000d_ Ghazipur,_x000d_ 3rd March, 1890_x000d_ {original in Bengali}_x000d_ Dear Sir {Pramadadas Mitra},_x000d_ Your kind letter comes to hand just now. You know not, sir, I am a very soft-natured man in spite of the stern Vedantic views I hold. And this proves to be my undoing. At the slightest touch I give myself away; for howsoever I may try to think only of my own good, I slip off in spite of myself to think of other peoples' interests. This time it was with a very stern resolve that I set out to pursue my own good, but I had to run off at the news of the illness of a brother at Allahabad! And now comes this news from Hrishikesh, and my mind has run off with me there. I have wired to Sharat, but no reply yet--a nice place indeed to delay even telegrams so much! The lumbago obstinately refuses to leave me, and the pain is very great. For the last few days I haven't been able to go to see Pavhariji, but out of his kindness he sends every day for my report. But now I see the whole matter is inverted in its bearings! While I myself have come, a beggar, at his door, he turns round and wants to learn of me! This saint perhaps is not yet perfected--too much of rites, vows, observances, and too much of self-concealment. The ocean in its fullness cannot be contained within its shores, I am sure. So it is not good, I have decided not to disturb this Sadhu (holy man) for nothing, and very soon I shall ask leave of him to go. No help, you see; Providence has dealt me my death to make me so tender! Babaji does not let me off, and Gagan Babu (whom probably you know--an upright, pious, and kind-hearted man) does not let me off. If the wire in reply requires my leaving this place, I go; if not, I am coming to you at Varanasi in a few days. I am not going to let you off--I must take you to Hrishikesh--no excuse or objections will do. What are you saying about difficulties there of keeping clean? Lack of water in the hills or lack of room!! Tirthas (places of pilgrimage) and Sannyasins of the Kali Yuga--you know what they are. Spend money and the owners of temples will fling away the installed god to make room for you; so no anxiety about a resting-place! No trouble to face there, I say; the summer heat has set in there now, I believe, though not that degree of it as you find at Varanasi--so much the better. Always the nights are quite cool there, from which good sleep is almost a certainty._x000d_ Why do you get frightened so much? I stand guarantee that you shall return home safe and that you shall have no trouble anywhere. It is my experience that in this British realm no fakir or householder gets into any trouble._x000d_ Is it a mere idle fancy of mine that between us there is some connection from previous birth? Just see how one letter from you sweeps away all my resolution and, I bend my steps towards Varanasi leaving all matters behind! . . . _x000d_ I have written again to brother Gangadhar and have asked him this time to return to the Math. If he comes, he will meet you. How is the climate at Varanasi now? By my stay here I have been cured of all other symptoms of malaria, only the pain in the loins makes me frantic; day and night it is aching and chafes me very much. I know not how I shall climb up the hills. I find wonderful endurance in Babaji, and that's why I am begging something of him; but no inkling of the mood to give, only receiving and receiving! So I also fly off._x000d_ Yours etc.,_x000d_ Vivekananda_x000d_ PS. To no big person am I going any longer--"Remain, O mind, within yourself, go not to anybody else's door; whatever you seek, you shall obtain sitting at your ease, only seek for it in the privacy of your heart. There is the supreme Treasure, the philosophers' stone, and He can give whatever you ask for; for countless gems, O mind, lie strewn about the portals of His abode. He is the wishing-stone that confers boons at the mere thought." Thus says the poet Kamalakanta._x000d_ So now the great conclusion is that Ramakrishna has no peer; nowhere else in this world exists that unprecedented perfection, that wonderful kindness for all that does not stop to justify itself, that intense sympathy for man in bondage. Either he must be the Avatara as he himself used to say, or else the ever-perfected divine man, whom the Vedanta speaks of as the free one who assumes a body for the good of humanity. This is my conviction sure and certain; and the worship of such a divine man has been referred to by Patanjali in the aphorism: "Or the goal may be attained by meditating on a saint." _x000d_ Never during his life did he refuse a single prayer of mine; millions of offences has he forgiven me; such great love even my parents never had for me. There is no poetry, no exaggeration in all this. It is the bare truth and every disciple of his knows it. In times of great danger, great temptation, I wept in extreme agony with the prayer, "O God, do save me," but no response came from anybody; but this wonderful saint, or Avatara, or anything else he may be, came to know of all my affliction through his powers of insight into human hearts and lifted it off--in spite of my desire to the contrary--after getting me brought to his presence. If the soul be deathless, and so, if he still lives, I pray to him again and again: "O Bhagavan Ramakrishna, thou infinite ocean of mercy and my only refuge, do graciously fulfil the desires of my esteemed friend, who is every inch a great man." My he impart to you all good, he whom alone I have found in this world to be like an ocean of unconditioned mercy! Shantih, Shantih, Shantih._x000d_ Please send a prompt reply. _x000d_ Yours etc.,_x000d_ Vivekananda

Ghazipur,_x000d_ 31st March, 1890_x000d_ {original in Bengali}_x000d_ Dear Sir {Pramadadas Mitra},_x000d_ I haven't been here for the last few days and am again going away today. I have asked brother Gangadhar to come here; and if he comes, we go over to you together. For some special reasons, I shall continue to stay in secret in a village some distance from this place, and there's no facility for writing any letter from that place, owing to which I could not reply to your letter so long. Brother Gangadhar is very likely to come, otherwise the reply to my note would have reached me. Brother Abhedananda is putting up with Doctor Priya at Varanasi. Another brother of mine had been with me, but has left for Abhedananda's place. The news of his arrival has not yet been received, and, his health being bad, I am rather anxious for his sake. I have behaved very cruelly towards him--that is, I have harassed him much to make him leave my company. There's no help, you see; I am so very weak-hearted, so much overmastered by the distractions of love! Bless me that I may harden. What shall I say to you about the condition of my mind! Oh, it is as if the hell-fire is burning there day and night! Nothing, nothing could I do yet! And this life seems muddled away in vain; I feel quite helpless as to what to do! The Babaji throws out honeyed words and keeps me from leaving. Ah, what shall I say? I am committing hundreds of offences against you--please excuse them as so many misdoings of a man driven mad with mental agonies. Abhedananda is suffering from dysentery. I shall be very much obliged if you will kindly inquire about his condition and send him down to our Math in case he wants to go there with our brother who has come from here. My Gurubhais must be thinking me very cruel and selfish. Oh, what can I do? Who will see deep down into my mind? Who will know how much I am suffering day and night? Bless me that I may have the most unflinching patience and perseverance._x000d_ With countless greetings,_x000d_ Yours etc.,_x000d_ Vivekananda._x000d_ PS. Abhedananda is staying in Doctor Priya's house at Sonarpura. My lumbago is as before._x000d_ Vivekananda